Hope you all like this'n
Posted:
May 25, 2007, 7:54 AM
One bright, beautiful Sabbath morning everyone in the tiny Midwestern town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started the towns people were sitting in their pews when suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew. He was not moving and seemed oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now, this confused and irritated the Devil a little bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" "Yep, sure do," replied the elderly gentleman. Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't ," the gentleman replied. Satan, a little more perturbed at this, asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
-Sorry if the above offended any horned beasts in the viewing audience
Re: Hope you all like this'n
Posted:
Jul 3, 2007, 2:57 AM
Ok, here's one:
A fireman is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl riding down the sidewalk in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fireman walks out to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," he says admiringly. "Thanks, Mister Fireman," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, "I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies sweetly, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Re: Hope you all like this'n
Posted:
Jul 5, 2007, 11:57 PM
NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it before.
Re: Hope you all like this'n
Posted:
Jul 19, 2007, 12:13 PM
A plastic surgeon comes home one afternoon, and his wife says to him: "Honey, I want you to do breast augmentation surgery on me".
Doc says, "What for? You look beautifull the way you are!"
She says, "I really want it, for my own self-esteem..."
Doc says, "Well that's pretty extreme; try this first: every day, take a piece of kleenex or toilet paper, and rub it up and down on your chest between your breasts. Do this every day for a few months and see how it works."
"Wow", said the wife. "You mean that will make my breasts larger?"
"Why not", shrugged the doc. "Look what it did for your a$$!"
